If Only
by Caskettsquint
Summary: The last thing she remembered was the feeling of her legs collapsing under her as she hit the street. Then the world went black. What is Always had ended differently? What if Ryan had been too late? AU Set at the end of Season 4. Please Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- Hi! I'm back with this this new AU fic where Always ends totally different. I hope you like this first chapter and I will try to update as much as possible!**

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Her fingers were slipping, she couldn't hold on any longer. This was it. Kate was going to fall off that building. "Castle! Castle help!" she screamed before her fingers slipped. She could feel the air whipping around her as she fell to what was sure to be the end. She flailed her arms, trying to grab onto anything that could break her fall and she managed to grab the railing of a balcony. It didn't stop her but it slowed down her fall. The last thing she remembered was the feeling of her legs collapsing underneath her as she hit the street. Then the world went black.

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Castle was at home in the loft watching his movie marathon, alone. No Beckett. He loved her with all of his heart but she was too stubborn to let him help her. This case was going to get her killed. He knew it would but he had to move on, he had to forget. That's why when he got a phone call from the Twelfth, he pressed decline. He couldn't go back now. He had to put the past in the past so he turned back and lost himself in the movie.

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"Beckett! Beckett!" Ryan called as he rushed across the rooftop of the building. He could hear her screaming for Castle, and he saw her fingertips on the ledge. They ran over but by the time they reached her, it was too late. Beckett was already falling through the air "Go! Run! Get down there!" He screamed and the team took off. Ryan reached for his phone and called 911, and ambulance arrived within minutes and lanie wasn't far behind.

"Ryan where is she? What happened?" Lanie yelled as she raced over to the detective.

"She fell off the building, she's with the paramedics, she uh-"

"She what Ryan? That's my best friend down there you have to tell me what's going on!"

"She's in a coma Lanie, she lost a lot of blood. They're taking her to the hospital now"

"Oh my God, Kevin is she going to be ok?

"I don't know Lane, I don't know."

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The waiting room at the hospital was full of detectives and cops, all waiting for the word on Kate. Lanie was leaning on Esposito when she realized who was missing. Castle.

"Oh Javi nobody's told Castle!"

"Lanie, I don't think that's such a good idea. They had a falling out and-"

"He loves her Javi and one stupid fight is not going to stop that. I'm going to call because if we don't tell him he will never forgive us."

And with that she stood up and walked outside.

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Castle's phone rang again, and when he looked at the caller ID it was Lanie. Confused as to why he would be getting a call from her he picked up.

"Lanie? Why're you calling me?"

"Castle, there's been an accident."

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**A/N- Sooo how'd ya like it? Is there anything I can improve on? I'll have another chapter up later this week but please review! Thanks!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing blah blah blah**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Hey guys! Thanks so much for reviewing! I got some great input and I hope yall like this chapter! New chapter will be up in a few day ****J**

**Disclaimer- I asked for Castle for Christmas but I got socks.**

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"What? What kind of accident? Is everyone ok?" Castle asked as he frantically searched around for his keys.

"Castle I'm ok and so are the boys but…"

"But what? Lanie answer me!"

"It's Kate. She was shoved off a building, it's bad."

It was like everything was happening in slow motion. The phone slipped out of his hands his keys hit the floor. He could hear Lanie calling his name through the phone but he didn't care. His mind was spinning with thoughts of Beckett. He was truly scared, and Castle was never truly scared as he was in that moment. He was in tears by now but he picked the phone up off the floor.

"Lanie, where are you?"

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Lanie walked back into the hospital to find the detectives crowded around a doctor. She rushed over to the group and saw the doctor with a grave look on his face.

"What happened? Is she ok?" She asked frantically

"She lost a lot of blood. Both of her legs are broken from the impact and her right shoulder is dislocated. She has a serious head injury and slight internal bleeding. She's in ICU on life support. She hasn't woken up."

"But she's alive right?"

"She's alive." The doctor confirmed "But her chances of survival are low. We don't know if she'll wake up."

Lanie collapsed against Javier in tears. He caught her and stroked her hair, comforting her quietly as he himself let a silent tear fall down his cheek.

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Ryan was still in shock. She might not wake up? Beckett had taken him under her wing when he was just a uniform and basically brought him up. They were more than friends, she was like a sister to him and the thought of her never waking up brought him to tears. He looked over and saw the doctor talking to a distressed Jim Beckett. He saw Lanie sobbing into Esposito's chest and Espo himself shedding a tear. Even Gates looked like she had been crying.

'We don't know if she'll wake up'. He heard those words over and over in his mind and he began to feel lightheaded. As he sat down in an uncomfortable chair, there was a loud commotion at the receptionist desk. He was about to go complain when he heard a familiar voice calling out.

"Where's Beckett? Where is she?"

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"Sir I'm sorry we can only give that information to family members." The secretary said as calmly as she could. "Now if you could take a seat in the waiting area we can get you what information we can."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me where she is. Is she alive?" Castle asked loudly through the tears on his face.

The secretary was about to speak again but before she could open her mouth someone called his name from the waiting room. Castle looked over and saw Lanie rushing towards him.

"Lanie! Is she ok? Where is she?" Castle called

Lanie crashed into him giving him a hug "She's in a coma. She's on life support and they, they don't know if she's going to wake up." She said through tears.

Castle stumbled backwards and a nurse's aid grabbed his arm.

"Maybe you should sit down sir" He said calmly as he led Castle to a chair. "Can I get you some water?"

"No I'm-I'm fine"

"Are you sure sir? You look like you-"

"No!" Castle snapped "Just leave me alone."

As he walked away, Lanie sat down beside him and rubbed his back.

"It's going to be ok Castle. She's made it through worse, she strong." She said, although not fully believing it herself. She was scared.

"But what if she doesn't Lanie? If she dies in there? What am I supposed to do then?"

"We have to be strong Castle. Be strong for Kate"

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**A/N- Sooo what'd ya think? I hope to have another chapter up within the next couple of days and I hope you'll keep reading! Thanks again for the reviews and keep them coming! I really value your inputs and opinions! So yeah thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Wow thanks for all the reviews guys! I got some really good advice and I'm going to work that into this chapter, I hope you guys like it! I wrote the beginning of the chapter from the POV of Kate, just so that does not cause any confusion, she is still in a coma, I have read in some places that coma patients can hear and feel what's going on around them, even though they are not awake so that's what I tried to do! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I obviously don't own Castle.**

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Kate's eyes fluttered open. She looked around but all she saw was darkness. Pitch black. Where am I? She thought, what happened? Then it all started coming back to her. The case, Maddox, Castle. She remembered being on the roof and she remembered the fall. She could remember her legs being crushed on impact and- wait, her legs were crushed. Why wasn't she in any pain? Was she dead? She stood up and walked forward. She felt a wall in front of her, she turned and tried the other way but there was a wall there too. She was trapped. It was like she was in a box. She sat down and leaned against the wall and let out a scream, why couldn't she hold on? Why wasn't she good enough to solve her mom's case? What had she done that so bad that she deserved this? Why her?

After she let herself cry, it was dead silent. Then there was a voice, several actually, but they were muffled, like they were behind glass.

"Hello? Hello?" She cried but to no avail.

The voices were soft, but she could make out a word here and there. Critical, bleeding, pulse. It was like they were in a hospital, then it clicked. She was in a coma. She had read about this, that coma patients could hear what people were saying to them, but she had never believed it, until now. This whole experience was unreal. She should be dead. But by some power, she was here. Unconscious maybe, but she was here.

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Castle and Lanie had made it back over to the rest of the group by now, and Esposito began walking towards them. Castle felt anger bubbling up inside him when he saw him.

"Castle look, I-"Espo started before he was interrupted

"Don't 'Castle' me Javier this is your fault!" Castle exclaimed

"Wha- My fault?"

"Yes your fault! You were supposed to be with her! Where were you when she was on that roof? Huh? "

"Hey I tried-"

"Don't make excuses Espo, if you had been there with her she wouldn't be in there right now dying!"

"He's right you know." Ryan said as he stood up from his seat across the aisle. "You promised Espo. You were gonna back her up. How can you be mad at me for going to Gates when you're the reason she's in there?"

"You cannot go telling me this is my fault" Espo said as he got up in Ryan's face "When you didn't even try. You stayed in the precinct. You weren't there for her either."

"Wasn't there for her? I was the one that ran across that rooftop. I was the one that tried to save her."

"You can't make yourself out to be there hero when you didn't even try!" Espo was mad now "This is not my fault and you are sure as hell not the hero here!" They were yelling by now.

Ryan was about to come back at him but Lanie jumped in before things got physical.

"Stop! Just stop! This wasn't any one of our faults, Kate is stubborn and this would have happened no matter what we did. But if you guys want to blame it on someone, Espo, you weren't there when you said you would be, you didn't back her up. But Ryan, you weren't either. And Castle you weren't even at the precinct! What I'm getting at is that this wasn't any one of our faults. It was a combination of our stupidness and Kate's stubbornness that put her in there and there's not one thing we can do about it now. We have to get over ourselves and help Kate because she can't do it on her own. We have to be there for her if we want her to live. That's just the facts."

Lanie sat down and everybody was quiet. They nodded before they all sat down. They didn't completely get over their anger for each other, but what Lanie had said had an impact on them. They were all lost in their own thoughts.

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Jim Beckett and Gates had both just watched the scene in front of them in awe. Jim knew that Castle blamed himself in a way, because he wasn't there for her, but then again Katie had pushed him away. He thought about it before he got up and pulled Castle aside for a talk.

"Sir I'm sorry" Castle said quietly "This is my fault, I should have been there for her."

"Rick this is not your fault, Katie pushed you away. You didn't leave because you wanted to, I know you are a better person than that. You did it because that's what she wanted, am I right?" Jim questioned calmly.

"I left because I love her and if she wanted me to stop protecting her, I had to stop. It wasn't easy for me. I tried to talk her out of it and I tried to stop her, you have to believe me I tried-"

"Rick I believe you, I understand. Katie is a stubborn one."

"Thank you sir, but I still feel like I could have saved her, if I was there. It should have been me."

"Rick you couldn't have stopped her. When she puts her mind on something, she won't back down."

"That's one of the things I love about her" Rick said with a sad smile.

"There is one thing I don't understand, how do you do it Rick?"

"Do what?"

"Love her, I mean her mom's case will always come before you. She will never be able to get past that until the guy's in jail, how can you live with that?"

"When I left today, I thought that I would never see her again. And I thought that was what was going to make her happy. I was trying to put this whole last 4 years in the past and move on but I realized something, sir, I realized that I could never really move on, never really forget. I love her with all my heart and that's not something you can just forget. I know that I will never be first, at least not until her mother's case is solved, and I've realized that I'm ok with it. I'm willing to wait for her and if I have to wait until that case is solved, well that just gives me more motivation to solve it. I've come to realize that if you truly love someone, it's worth the wait and sir, I would wait a million years for her. I would do anything to make her happy."

Jim just smiled and patted Rick on the back, giving him his silent approval. 'He's exactly what Katie needs' Jim thought to himself as the pair headed back to the rest of the group. 'If only she would realize it'

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**A/N- So how was it? I'll be getting more of the medical aspect in the next chapter, but I have not had any formal medical classes or anything. I'm just going off of what I have found online so I would be appreciative of anyone that knows anything about that field could send me a PM with details on how you think Kate's injuries would be treated so I have a reliable source, thanks! And keep the reviews coming, I love them, new chapter up soon!**


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